How do you see yourself?

What do YOU need?

As time fades, we have a tendency to forget about ourselves in the midst of helping others. It’s not that we value them over us. It’s more of an embedded habit to care for others first. We’re taught to help one another, lean on one another…help thy neighbor. With a sigh and a side eye sometimes, we’re in action, helping with their issues. Sometimes the weight you bear by providing for and assisting others leads to YOU being in despair. You’ll have to figure out how to move that boulder. A boulder can be pinned up stress, difficult people or a physical thing hindering your progress. How do we navigate our personal feelings when times get rocky? How do we set aside time to recalibrate to the person we know ourselves to be? How do we choose ME over everybody? How do we prioritize our needs while still helping others?

The answer lies in the mirror. Take YOU at face value, no trick mirrors, no enhancements. Your reflection is captured in panoramic view. Are you seeing things straight, no filter? Do you love what you see looking back at you? Jolted by the sight of you, you mumble, scream or yell Who’s that to yourself after glancing in the mirror. You’re now a foreigner to yourself. How unfortunate! You have a problem! The uncertainty of what’s next to come leaves you unsteady. When you’re always the go to person for others, who steps in to be an advisor for you? Can you absorb their constructive criticism and advice without self-obstruction? Are you confident in the decisions you need to make going forward? Do you give yourself empathy and grace to explore failure and success? What does that look like for you? If your cup is half empty, what will it take to make it full? Does that presentation show up with love in tow?

Self-worth…no one can give it to you!

Before you can establish foundation with others, you need to be self-aware. You need to analyze how you see yourself. The greatest relationship you can have first is introspective, a personal one. You support your needs, build your dreams, and establish boundaries that fit your capacity better than anyone else. Don’t leave yourself hurt, broken or confused. Heal parts of you mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally that hinder your personal development. Growth comes with changes. Growth comes with overcoming obstacles. Therapy, in some cases, is necessary. A therapist can help you sift through your issues and help you devise a plan to thrive. Yes…sometimes it hurts! Yes…sometimes it’s confusing! Yes…sometimes you’ll find yourself at a crossroad, but you’re never truly alone. There are people who you know or will meet that can assist in redirecting your path. Unblock your paralyzed mind and lean into allowing help from others when necessary. It’s never a disadvantage to reach out or receive help, as long as you know the heart and intention behind who and what is coming your way. Relationships with others are bonuses to your mental wellness pot but not before you establish your own self-worth! 

Teach people how to treat you!

Relationships that are not watered are not sustaining. Don’t dry out yourself trying to pull happiness out of a cascading situation. Once you’ve evaluated and secured who you are to yourself, how you show up next tends to lend itself to how you accept others. Ultimately, in doing so, you teach people how they are to manage you and your feelings. It’s imperative to set early boundaries in how you interact with others by establishing a tone of high esteem, strength and intellect to the capacity that no one can deny. People will try to break your spirit but there are a few things you can do to institute a baseline.

The bad…

Don’t be a last resort or last priority on someone else’s stock exchange! If you let them check in whenever they feel like it, you become their entertainment and not their enjoyment! It’s not that life has them too busy to be there for you, it’s that life is taking them in a different direction that does not include you. Having a one-sided relationship where you’re the only one reaching out is a clue. Take a hint! Never allow people to tell you “no” in any form twice. Believe them the first time! It’s fine to grow apart. Move on to what’s next!

Don’t allow ANY form of abuse to be acceptable or tolerable by you! Proclaim your stance on maltreatment before things ever escalate and action needs to be taken. In the event someone crosses the line, let the first time be the only and last time. If things get physical, you have to be big on words but bigger with your hands, feet, knees…or whatever it takes to keep you in one peace! Immediately and discreetly remove yourself, and your children, from the situation and never look back. Take swift precautions for you, and them, before, during and after any situation that is detrimental to your wellbeing by having a go plan ready. When you stay ready, you’ll never have to get ready! Words to LIVE by!

Don’t be overly generous! Just because you felt the need to do something special for others, doesn’t mean action or appreciation is reciprocal! Many times, when you have more resources than you need, you feel obligated to share with others. That’s natural, especially when you see others needing those same assets. Oppositely, it may feel unnatural to understand that not everyone appreciates help. Be cautious of people who are hustle or swindle artist, the takers of the world. These people will take everything from you and offer you nothing. Don’t be so overtly generous that you lose everything that you’ve worked hard for! Give with your heart but be discreet and under the radar. Stay cautious of those you come across that want it all! They’re always watching!

The good…

Love on purpose! You deserve to smile as wide as the Grand Canyon and feel as whimsical as the drift of the ocean waves. People, places and things will bring you joy. The feeling you have when nothing else matters is a feeling of hope and contentment. Safeguard your heart and move accordingly. Having purpose will always be a barometer on your path in life. Understand who you are at every moment and where those moments will take you. Show up with love in your heart as purpose is partly the reason why you’re there!

Dream big always…and make your dreams reality! Growing up you had an inclination of what you wanted to be when you got older. You became an adult and things shifted. Childhood fantasies are no longer adult dreams. For adults, dreams become reality. You earned degrees and certificates that placed you in a position that you love. With seasoned eyes, you still see the child within you. Those dreams still matter. You have the capacity to make them happen. Don’t sacrifice your desires to fit the mold of this world. Continue to make your dreams come true!

Watering your own grass first!

Take comfort in knowing you’ve put yourself first, not because you’re selfish but because you deserve to care for YOU. Once you do, you open yourself up for what’s great to come into your life! Knowing who you are, knowing what you want and knowing the relationships you want to build is step one. Step two is leaning into your environment or positioning yourself for new opportunities. Dig into or find a new hobby! Pick up a new talent! Join an adventurous group! In time, you’ll see yourself and in time others will see you too! So… don’t be afraid to unite yourself and grow! Self-reflection, self-balance matters.

Find you!

Broaden your horizon or reinvent yourself by learning something new. Self-care requires constant attention and ascension. Opportunities to evolve are endless as you experience new adventures when life is not always happening. Carve out moments to get out there and explore. Peace is up to you as you find what makes or keep you whole! Lotus, interculturally, has a multitude of meanings, but in this context, we’re speaking to transformation and self-balance. When you transform into the person you feel most comfortable, you transform again. You become unrecognizable but this time you have a different vision and a different feeling.  We’re all just a flower waiting to bloom. Appreciate your journey and never stop wanting more for yourself!